Things You Never Knew Existed

Friday, November 6, 2009

Is It Christmas Yet?

I'm as bad as my nieces and nephews when it comes to waiting for Christmas. Once Halloween is over, I start getting impatient for Santa's arrival. So, this week I thought I'd show you some funny Christmas Things that will help you get a jump-start on the holiday season.

Of course, being me, I have to start with my favorite holiday poopie Things. Our Yule Doo ornament is a best seller every year.

The little faux doggy doo ornament comes tied up with a holiday ribbon and glitters with a sprinkling of "snow." Very festive, don't you think? Plus, I get a kick out of imagining the hundreds of Christmas trees across the country with little piles of doo hanging next to family heirloom ornaments. And for more fun with poo, try our Santa and Reindeer Poopers. Just press down on their heads, and Santa and his reindeer will "poop" some holiday candies for you.

Animated Christmas toys are always fun, especially when they come from Things. You never knew Mrs. Claus was so sexy--until now!

Our animated doll is dressed to kill in a red evening gown. Push her button and she launches into a steamy version of "Santa Baby." Listen to the sound clip. If she wasn't so racy, I could show you a picture of what Mrs. Claus has going on around back--suffice it to say, Oooo-la-la! No wonder Santa only wants to work one night a year! The Crazy Chicken might not be as bawdy as Mrs. Claus, but she's just as much fun. Sure she sings Jingle Bells in a voice only a mother hen could love, but this little diva will leave them clucking for more with her wing-flapping, head bobbing, swiveling action. Watch the video to see and hear for yourself.

What do you do when Santa has been a bad boy? Our motion activated Santa looks perfectly friendly and merry decorating a holiday table.

As your guests walk by, he even gives them a jolly greeting. But he's not the Santa they might expect! Watch their surprise when Santa suddenly turns and drops his trousers to show them a "cheeky smile." And our Flashing Santa reveals Santa's little secret. You just press his hand and he shimmies seductively as he opens his robe and flashes you. But wait! What's that he's wearing? Women's underwear! Check out the hilarious video. I think I'll put these two bad, bad boys together to see which one shocks people the most.

And for a perfect Redneck Christmas, we have just the Things you need. Cut the sleeves out of your plaid shirt, put one of your cars up on blocks, and start a tailgate party in your own front yard. Git 'er done with some of the best redneck ho

liday songs you'll ever hear sung by artists like Buck Owens and Charlie Daniels. The CD has fourteen merry tracks including "X-mas In Jail," "Leroy And The Redneck Reindeer," and the enduring redneck classic, "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer." Or choose one of our Redneck Christmas Books that will change your view of the holiday forever. Santa in red & green camo with flying possums? An Elvis impersonator as the ghost of Christmas past? Singer Travis Tritt narrates the stories on an audio CD while you follow along with the books. With sound effects and music, these re-tellings of favorite Christmas stories are a riot, which is why they are some of my favorite Things for the holidays.

We have some useful Things to help celebrate the season, too. I'll tell you more about that next week.

Until then,
Bobby

Friday, October 30, 2009

Electronical Things

Okay, I know "electronical" is not a word. I use it because it's funny. Why is it funny? Because it aggravates my sister. And Things that aggravate my sister are always funny. When I use made-up words, the exchange usually goes something like this:

Me: Can we conversate for a minute?
Her (looking up, annoyed): Conversate?
Me: I'm going to write about electronical Things for this week's blog and I need some ideas.
Her (rolling eyes): 'Electronical' is not a word. Neither is 'conversate.'
Me (grinning): Come on, I need you to help me idea-fy my blog.
Her (glaring): Go away.

So, no help from her, obviously. But that's okay. I found lots of cool electronic Things on my own.

Like this portable widescreen TV. You can watch your favorite programs while you're camping, hiking or tailgating on this digital color TV. It has a built-in scanner to locate local channels and it works with most cable hook-ups. The docking station gives three hours of watching and the stereo speakers produce really good sound. It includes a magnetic antenna, AV cables, remote control, and home and car power adapters. It's also great for an emergency TV during bad weather.

I love this Thing. It lets you convert your cassette tapes to CD or MP3 files. I still have lots of cassettes. I can't part with them because I can't get a lot of the music on CD. But the Tape2USB lets me upload tracks to my computer, where I can then burn them to CD or transfer them to my MP3 player. How cool is that? It even has built-in speakers so you can monitor the music while you're recording it on the computer, which allows you to catch and correct little glitches in the tapes. It comes with audio enhancing software that's really simple to use and it even includes a USB cable. And, since it's USB, so you don't need to install any drivers to make it work with a PC or a Mac.

Now that you've got all your favorite cassettes transferred to your MP3 player, you might want to share some of your golden oldies with a friend. The headphone splitter is cool little Thing that lets you share one headphone output. You just pop this headphone jack into your MP3 player, plug in two sets of headphones and two people can listen at the same time, in stereo. It even comes on a handy keyring, so you'll always have it when you need it.

Wanna play your groovy grooves for more than one person? We have a Thing for that, too! Our MP3 earphone speaker isn't just for your ears--it's for everyone. The oversized "earbud" is actually a speaker for your MP3 player. It gives out a big sound for such a little Thing, too. It also comes on a keyring clip that protects the headphone jack.

Now, this Thing is one of the coolest electronics I've seen this year. The TV Tuner Stick lets you watch streaming television on your PC. One of the best features of this Thing is the software is actually easy to install! Once that's done, you just attach the telescoping antenna to the device and plug into your USB port. It automatically starts to scan for local digital channels. Once you find a program you like, just sit back and enjoy. But the very coolest feature of this Thing is: you can actually schedule a recording of a TV show, then burn it to a CD or DVD. It even comes with a remote control.

Well, that's it for my favorite electronics this week. Now, I have to find a new topic and make up a word to go with it...

See you next week,
Bobby

Friday, October 23, 2009

Things Everyone Should Own

There are certain Things no one should have to live without. From fun to functional to just plain cool, here are my top five picks for must-have Things.

#5 - Siren Padlock Alarm: Secure your valuable Things with this padlock. It's a heavy duty lock that can be used to protect your shed, garage, bike, gate, tool box--anyThing that you could use a regular padlock on. When the lock is disturbed, it lets out a piercing alarm at 100 decibels for a full ten seconds. The sound drives away would-be burglars and alerts you at the same time. It comes with three keys and replaceable button batteries and it can also be used as a regular padlock without sound.

#4 - LED Gas Detector: Like a fire extinguisher and smoke detectors, this very useful Thing should be a staple in every household. Use it to check for gas leaks in pipes, hot water heater, propane grill tanks and more. It's easy to use since you don't have to calibrate it. It can sense propane, butane, acetylene and methane (natural gas). When it detects flammable levels of gas, the LED indicator lights up and an alarm sounds--before disaster strikes. I got one for everyone in my family.

#3 - Lawman Tech Watch: Our tactical watch is used by major law enforcement and military agencies all over the world. Crafted by Smith & Wesson, the all-black tactical watch has precision quartz Japanese movement and is water resistant to 30 meters. It has a backlight and a date window and the lightweight nylon band has a Velcro closure, so you don't have to worry about the buckle breaking.

#2 - Space Age Crystals: I've always loved science Things and our Space Age Crystal Growing Kit is one of my favorites this year. You can grow your own collection of thirteen mineral specimens including crystal clusters, geode crystals and single crystals that range from two to eight inches in diameter. Watch as your specimens start to grow within hours of dissolving the pre-mixed chemicals in water. The kit includes crystal growing chemicals, casting plaster, geode mold, accessories, detailed instructions and a booklet that tells you all you need to know about crystals.

#1 - Rainbow Shower Head: Some Things are just for fun. Our shower head lights up using the power of water pressure. Every two seconds, the rainbow LED colors cycle through a spectrum of red, blue, green, yellow, white, orange and violet. It's really easy to install--just replace your current shower head or attach it to a standard shower hose. Since it operates on water pressure alone, there are no batteries or other external power source required. When I first got mine, I just thought it was cool, but it's true that the combination of the rainbow lights and water are relaxing and revitalizing at the same time.

Those are my top picks of the Things our buyers have come up with lately. Of course, my top five changes all the time, so stay tuned for more. I'm sure I'll have another list of Things You Just Can't Live Without before you know it.

See you next week,
Bobby

Friday, October 16, 2009

Poopie Things

Here at Things, we love toilet humor. We've been having fun with farts, fart smells, fart sounds, doo-doo and all Things scatological since 1914. So, this week, I thought I'd take a moment to reflect on one of our favorite topics and show you some Things to help you have fun with poop, too.

One of my favorite new fart makers is the Pooter because, like the Whoopie Cushion, it's so simple. It's a soft rubber device with a hole in the top that makes some of the most realistic fart noises I've ever heard. You just conceal it in your hand and squeeze to create the soothing sounds of flatulence.

Just when I think I've seen everyThing, our buyers prove me wrong. Poo Poo In A Can is the first spray poop I've ever seen. Just spray and watch a big mess of authentic looking--and smelling--doo form into a pile. I've been having so much fun with this stuff around the office! The other day, I sprayed little piles around the warehouse and watched as people wrinkled up their noses and tried to figure out where the smells were coming from. Everyone who discovered one of my little "treats" got a free can of caca for themselves. I love my job!

These piles of poo aren't smelly, but they sure look real. The poop soap is my favorite because it's just so gross. It's an actual bar of soap, and it smells great, but who would want to wash their hands with it? I put some in the men's bathroom here at the office. We'll see if anyone touches it. Make a deposit in our poop bank and rest assured no one will "mess" with your savings. And here's a picture of the Smiley Poop I left on my sister's desk to say "thanks for covering for me" while I was on vacation. I thought it was a nice gift. She told me to grow up. Like that's going to happen!

We also have some poopie Things to wear, like our Butt Cheek Shorts. It looks like you're showing your good side, but the cheeks are really soft rubber and your bum is tucked safely inside the boxers. A great gag for Halloween or any time. Pair it with our adjustable Doo Doo Cap for maximum laughs.

And what better way to mark time than with a poo humor calendar. The Monthly Doos calendar is a bestseller every year. Filled with pictures of doggie droppings set against stunning scenes like majestic mountains, fields of flowers, rushing rivers and beautiful beaches, this calendar is a must for every doo-doo devotee. Eric Decetis' hilarious cartoon calendar celebrates the source of all poop. Each page features another funny look at butt cracks in everyday situations. Set it on your desk or hang it on a wall for your daily crack-up.

Learn what your poo is trying to tell you with our hilarious new book. It has illustrated descriptions of dozens of dookies, accompanied by a medical explanation (written by a doctor.) Look before you flush. What do you see? A floater? Probably a buildup of gas. It includes some of the funniest descriptions and explanations of poo including The Ring of Fire, The Hanging Chad, Soft Serve, The Snake, Pebble Poo and lots more. It also includes dung trivia, hysterical euphemisms for number two and some very unusual case histories. It's the perfect bathroom reader.

That concludes my weekly entry on excrement. Now what else can I find that grosses people out and makes them laugh at the same time?

See you next week,
Bobby

Friday, October 9, 2009

Things To Watch

It should be cooling down in Florida, but it's not. In fact, cities all over the Sunshine State have reported record heat and humidity in the past few days. And according to all the meteorologists, it's going to get hotter before it cools off. I love the climate here and I hardly ever complain about the weather, but I have to admit the heat is starting to beat me down. It's too hot to be outside for any reason. The golf course is unbearable and even the beach is sweltering. That's why I'm planning to cower in front of the air conditioning and plug in some DVDs until the next "cold" front arrives.

Since we're coming up on Halloween--my favorite holiday--classic horror flicks are at the top of my must-watch list. Up first is this newly-released Gorehouse Greats DVD. It's a collection of twelve horror movies from the 60s to the 90s and features mainstream stars like John Carradine and cult idols like Tor Johnson. The set includes: Blood of Dracula's Castle, Brain Twisters, The Devil's Hand, Madman of Mandoras (They Saved Hitlers' Brain), Nightmare in Wax, Prime Evil, Satan's Slave, Stanley, Terrified, Terror and Trip with Teacher.

Next is this collection that's so big it's an instant horror library in a single set.

It includes 50 classic horror movies on twelve two-sided DVDs. With some of my favorite horror actors like Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Fay Wray, Lon Chaney Sr., Lon Chaney Jr., and Tor Johnson, it's on my must-have list. Plus, there are some true classics featuring big stars, like The Little Shop of Horrors with Jack Nicholson and A Shriek in the Night with the lovely Ginger Rogers. Even off the screen, this is a star-studded collection. Dementia 13 was directed by Francis Coppola under the guidance of one of my favorite directors of all time: Roger Corman, "King of The Bs." I can't list all the movie titles in this blog, but you can see the full list here.

Another 50-movie pack is our Legends of Horror DVD set. This set is so compelling because it offers some of Alfred Hitchcock's early classics that aren't found in any other set. I can't wait to watch some of these movies like The Man Who Knew Too Much, Sabotage, and Secret Agent again and some of his silent films from the 20s that I've never seen before. You can also see Lugosi, Karlof and the Chaneys in this set, which includes two of my favorite horror flicks, Silent Night, Bloody Night and The Crimes of Stephen Hawke.

My Halloween-themed marathon won't just be horror movies. It has to include tales of the supernatural, too. Like this 50-episode collection of One Step Beyond, the series that presented 'real-life' incidents that included ghost sightings, disappearances, strange creatures and more. The series re-created these anomalous happenings for each episode, but didn't try to solve the mystery or provide answers. Designed to ask questions, not answer them, it always left me wondering, "What if?"

Next up is a five-DVD set that explores the scariest stories on earth. Haunted Histories takes you on a trip into the darkest recesses of evil around the world. With unflinching courage, this series looks into the face of the Devil himself, describes the mysterious ritual of exorcism (which is still practiced today), exposes the horrors of the Salem witch trials, ventures into the world of Voodoo and researches the story of Vlad Dracul, the sadistic prince who inspired the story of Dracula.

These collections should keep me busy until we get a break in the weather. Meanwhile, I'm off to find an AC vent to stand in front of.

See you next week,
Bobby

Friday, October 2, 2009

Gadgety Things

The idiom "necessity is the mother of invention" explains why we end up with some great gadgets here at Things. What it doesn't explain is how inventors come up with the devices that solve common problems--and why the solution seems so obvious to me only after someone else has invented it!

My new favorite is the Zip It package opener. I get so frustrated when I buy a new Thing that I just can't wait to play with, but it comes encased in one of those diabolical clamshell packages. They seem designed to keep me and my toy separated forever! No matter what I try, from scissors, razor blades and knives to my own teeth, I always end up hollering in frustration. More than once, I've destroyed the contents trying to free them from their impossible encasement! Finally, someone came up with an answer: the battery-operated Zip It. All you do is put the edge of the package into the device, press a button and Voila! Your new Thing is set free from it's plastic sarcophagus. I don't know how anyone could live without one of these ingenious tools!

Things for saving money always catch my attention. This Kill A Watt device is one of the best I've seen for reducing your electric bill. It lets you measure power consumption and project the cost of running everyday appliances. All you do is plug the Kill A Watt into a wall socket, plug the suspect appliance into the outlet and watch the results. I found out my older toaster consumed more energy than my newer toaster oven, even when the oven was on its highest temperature setting. I'm planning to save big bucks with this gizmo. And it even evaluates the quality of the power your getting from your utility company.

This Trip Advisor is both keychain and personal travel assistant. Just select the closest highway exit or mile marker and let the talking keychain tell you where to find the closest gas station, restaurant or rest area. It will also give city to city directions and travel phone numbers like motels, airlines, car rental and roadside assistance. As far as I'm concerned, it's the coolest keychain ever!

And speaking of being on the road, an emergency charger is a critical Thing for every glove compartment. Using only one AA battery, it gives you emergency power for your cell phone or iPod--even if the battery is completely dead. It comes with five adapters and works with your iPod, Motorola, ROKR, Nokia, Samsung, Blackberry, and RAZR phones. It even has over-voltage protection and is guaranteed not to overcharge or damage your Things.

Here's a Thing that makes your life easier and safer at the same time. My elderly aunt can't change the batteries in her smoke detectors anymore. I always try to remember to help her when I change mine, but sometimes it takes me a few days to get out to her house. Since I got her a couple of these Self-charging Smoke Alarms, I worry a little bit less. The smoke alarm recharges every time she turns on the light it's attached to. And it has an internal self-charging power pack that lasts up to 30 days without recharging. And she can test the alarm without standing on a step stool or chair, she just has to flip the light switch. Plus, it's simple to install. She likes it because it's easy. I like it because I know she will always have a working smoke alarm in the house.

Whether it's a Thing to make life easier, a Thing to save money, or a Thing to help you stay safe, our buyers are always on the lookout for the most useful widgets in the world. I think I'll go see what else they've come up with...

Until next week,
Bobby

Friday, September 25, 2009

Halloween II

I love my job! Last week I got to help you haunt your yard. This week I get to help you haunt your house. All it takes is one trip to the warehouse to find more unearthly, chilling, terrifying Things than you can shake a skull at. So let's get going...

It's important to set the mood as soon as your guests walk in the door. Who doesn't fear The Reaper?

Holding out a blood-soaked banner that warns all who would dare enter, the ghastly ghoul greets victims with a deadly grin and flashing blue eyes. He's great for hanging in an entryway or even on a covered porch. Or hang this reaper--with his horrific face and grasping bony fingers--from the ceiling in the entryway so guests have to pass under his rotted 12-foot shroud when they enter your demonic domain.

The five-foot mummy man is one of my favorite animated props this year. You hang him from his feet from a ceiling or in a doorway and watch him scare people half to death.

When someone makes a noise near him, his eyes glow red and he shudders and shakes. Not only does he move, he lets out horrible shrieks and moans and he even comes with his own spiders! Check out our video to see him in action. Our motion-activated creepy books are a great way to scare people, too. When someone walks by, the books move by themselves and play creaky haunted house sounds.

A great haunted house needs a really good zombie head on a hook! This one is so detailed and realistic it even grosses me out.

Its eyes are bulging out of its rotted, putrid skull and its mouth is frozen in a death scream. It's a life-size skull that's perfect for hanging in a doorway or over a bathroom sink. Speaking of the bathroom...what better place to scare people than in a small room...when they're alone...with the door closed? Our blood drenched shower curtain with the shadow of a knife-wielding maniac and sound effects is perfect. What's really cool is it's motion- and sound-activated. When an unsuspecting victim gets too close or makes a sound (like closing the door behind them), it plays the music from "Psycho" while a woman lets out a bloodcurdling scream.

Halloween wouldn't be complete without some eye of newt, some heart of bat and a dash of hemlock. These jars of witches ingredients that light up to show their toxic contents are great in the kitchen or on a table of treats. So are these bloody eyes and finger fries. You can mix them in with real food or just put them on the table in their containers. They come pre-drizzled with blood-- no ketchup needed!

And when you're done hanging up all the decorations, you have to cover everyThing in cobwebs! This Electronic Webcaster Gun is one of the coolest Things ever for Halloween. It spits out streams of spider webs at the push of a trigger. You can get three kinds of web sticks for it: Clear sticks make traditional spider webs that glow blue under black light; Glow In The Dark sticks create webs that glow under any light; Neon Yellow sticks make webs that glow yellow under black light. You can spray it all over just about any decoration or light fixture, spray it in corners and around table legs. It's so much easier than the packaged spider webbing and the webbing comes off your Things a lot easier, too. And check out the creepy effect:

While you get you started on your heinous house of horrors, I'm headed back to the warehouse to see the new batch of chilling, creepy, bone-chilling Things for Halloween...

Until next week...Boo!

Bobby

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